Dvorak American Suite , Andante'

   The  music so powerfully and romantically brings mankind down a peg or two to where there  it is  as important as one sickly stalk of pail corn .    The

musical movement  becomes a  birds eye view of earth  and resonates as wind and string melodiously play out their respective parts to a humbled time frame of mankind  and life . 

His Youth

The light blond fuzz swirling around his navel became exposed momentarily as he stretched his arms upward to put on a shirt . The white skin of his stomach struck my eye as lightning . At once the moment became impregnated with lustful desire . My eyes drew downward following his blond fuzz to where man bump projected above his muscular legs . Suddenly I knew he would be a force  for someone to tame and recon with . Nay I would never be the one to lay my head down on his pectoral stomach to taste the warm cream ejaculating from his penis . This tantalizing memory hauntingly plays out in my mind . I will always wish the best for him .

Mea culpa mea culpa mea culpa

Mea culpa mea culpa mea culpa my Daddy , wave the glistening scepter above my humble head .        Embaseth the vestment and vouchsafe unto me  swaggering piercing judgement  until I am dead .        I kneel in the shadows of men's alters but it is always your infinite structure Daddy  that over takes my being and prostrate thus lower I moan Daddy i have been bad . I bend over lower behumbled  by your prejugdement  Daddy . So very vary  bad  have i been that your banging at the back door of the fiber of my being is just medicine for desired penance . Oh Daddy I will take the whole swaggering girth of your sovereign  scepter into my wanting hands to gently kiss with my red lips and drink down deep delightful essence  . And Daddy when you are nearing the end of my punishment and lesson I will arch my back upwards  high to honor and salute you my master in ecstatic joyful excitement .       I lie  myself naked at your feet my sweet  Daddy , purge me of my dirty sins oh knowing master  Judge for your self almighty Daddy how latent and slippery deep my sinful passion  lies .Gag me Daddy and bound and tie my white limbs with strong leather ties . Beat and kick me hard with a vengeance due a weak sinner till my exposed white back and limbs turns pink and than red . I beseech you dear Daddy for my lustful passion will control me until I am dead . bless me Daddy for I have sinned it has been forty-eight years from  my last confession . Flagellate my naked body dear  sweet Daddy , forgive my nasty dirty transgression .

Artist Art Work Opening Show at The Bundy Museum of Art and History Binghamton NY .Oil Paintings by Thomas J Nixon, Show Title Adult Care Giving

Here I go again stepping up to home plate with feet firmly grounded in the dirt covering earth. Every Artist/Batter chooses his or her day . At the end inning and fanfare left to linger behind to a blind eye or death ear, my art work. Opening evening I will bow prostrate with an extended leg and flat back kissing a man made carpet of worsted wool of the finest quality.You the viewer will decide good or bad and decide is it art? Behold hanging on white gallery walls my art work vulnerable and exposing my soul expressed with oil paint  on wood. In a valley surrounded by rolling hills on the third floor of The Bundy Museum my art awaits my your visit. Already I ask why I created the paintings-



-your visit. Already I ask why I created the paintings? My guess is I do not know when to shut up. Being stubborn is not a virtuous quality. From birth day through out life I have never given up painting . I always have something to say with paint and drawing . Using Art as expression for me is an inherent quality giving me the strength and determination to go forward. Perhaps I will live on to paint more with resounding notes left to echo off  the Southern Tiers rolling hills. For now this opening night is my short lived 15 minuets of fame.

                                                            painting detail by Thomas J Nixon

Sunday Thursday

First 5 hours after a morning breaking feathered birds sing a chorus and feed their young dependent fledglings cuddled in beak and Tallon made nests well hidden up in trees. Underway moving traffic east-west on interstate race by leaving rolling rubber steel belted tires spinning beyond imagination wooshing and ringing reverberating through the cool air. Cylinder and piston driven engine noise echoes off the surrounding granite filled rolling hills. Throughout the Southern Tier all hamlets and tributaries, towns, villages and cities are in valleys awaken sleepy-eyed. All the while a commerce never ceasing 24/7 lassoes in a few early birds and ever nimble fingers caress plastic  screens of phones and I Pads. The quest for carbs, sugars, and fats of processed food substances filled with salts and preservatives quickly begins again perhaps never to end throughout the day with the unquenchable thirst signaled by a plastic bottle in hand. A morning misty haze electrified by sunlight becomes ablaze with blinding full spectrum white warm light.  The last lilac blossom aromas now joined by wisteria perfume the air. An open bedroom window covered by lace drapery fluttering sensually like Solomay's vail not covering up much tickles a quivering throbbing flesh. Somewhere a Herrod is passing judgment sentencing mankind to shackles of lifetimes of hard labor. From sunrise to twilight and sundown the lasso around one's neck never loosens. The ball and chain around one's ankle keep one in line of defined boundary. As Sunday spins on to Thursday and twilight makes love with dawn a nightingale sings a territorial song. Cool breezes flit around as a bridal vale lifts to reveal soft supple lips moistened for the kiss of a 5oclock shadow lip and cheek. Thursday Swoopes in downcasting its shadow upon plant life and mankind. The entire world shakes and pressure is released. Man and time continue to die. Sundays and Thursdays are born all over the world again.

                 

Connor Running

Connor runs like wind passing  over sand leaving ripples vibrating sunshine back into the atmosphere of blue cradled  by darkness absorbing bright white and yellow stars passing through our universe colliding amongst dust particles dancing in broken patches of sunlight piercing canopied forests and rock  remains and bones of dinosaurs  long ago .

Dust Gathers Any Time Any Year

  You have miles to go while I have few and yet soon to sleep .  On the round house of blue ceilings there are many rooms . I will live to the last of my words that will echoe quietly on dark waltzs  whose notes linger  falling deep .                                                                                                                            At every end there comes a rumbling thunderous quake . No nothing is wrong . Listen  to mothers whispers .  All will be well . White softness will carress on any a morning you awake .                Solstace and frozen days arrive uninvited . There is earth and yet there is water . But where is a home ?                                                                                                                                                               Watching ones boundries fill to their coffers and yet next door there are bars creating boundries . Who  cares  . We  are  you and  I  am me   .    You and me are free as the round houses forrests beneath painted blue ceilings filled to the outter limits of dreams  .                                                                   Choose to carry on the load one way or anouther . Problems arrive anew like no other . Drink our mothers waters so sweet .  Choose to tough the load long  down the paven street .

Thank You Both

   I am thinking of my father deceased 10 years . I am thinking of my mother deceased 5 months . Today we ate turkey , the gift of my mother a few months back . Both of  my parents younger years were not  my times .Their younger years were the Great Depression Years . The whole country of The United States of America in a state of depression of significant scale  . Theirs were years of rations . Rations of foods . Rations of  gas and oils .Theirs were the years of families loosing their homes . Their younger years were the years of the great dust storms . Their formative years governed how they raised their children , me and my siblings .                                                                                           My parents younger years became their tools to educate their children . Hours spun onto years as my parents memory stories  schooled us children . Most of the stories  had pleasant  antidotal  endings . Others of their stories ended sadly with melancholcal endings . Indeed the basest of tools teach a good lesson when the tools are used well .                                                                                                   Today my stomach is full . I feel the love that my parents had for one and other and their children  as a blessing unmeasurable . I am truly thankful to have had such wonderful parents and take their lessons of life and love to the bank of daily life every day to my very  last . 

Bouquet

As of fine wine your cut flaxen glistening bright with  not a single one out of place I long to drink in . With frame so square and angular  I enfold and cave  into day dreaming  desire  . Your entire enclosure   butressed  by strong bone and angle  is  pillow wing  down  fill to my   head longing to rest  . Your image my eyes take in  assuaging my brains need of  pleasure release to receive a comfort akin to happiness yet all the  while with in soul I am tormented .

Tonight

   There are no amount of words enough to describe the sky above Broome County this evening  11-04_17 .  Jet streams to the left  and  jet streams to the right . All are arriving  . All are taking flight  .  The geese  they are  flying and  in classic  formations  that are  from Swan Lake . In zig-zag pattern   left , right , left  ,right . The classic  lifting of leg folded backwards with pointed   webfoot and heel extended  to see the bottom side of webbed  foot   .  Quack-.,/ quack ,  quack  , quack . Followed by a tremulous quivers  echoed on wet fountain splash droplets of constant flow of water  flowing  off rolling hills and valleys .  Water water everywhere in the air , on the floor , in a mop , water  . Water  twisted out of mop  heads . Water Gushing in and out of dishwashers on wooden painted  floors  .  Wood Support  beneath  sleeping dogs in marsh mellow beds .  Sleeping dogs snoring loudly and comfortingly . Chocolate brown with  white  accents  sprinkled and colored  cinnamon , nutmeg , salt and pepper . Puppies , dogs ,  family ...Tonight like no other and like so many .  I am blessed . The dream . The dream . The dream ........   

Closing

   The evening had been well under way 3 hours and 3 hours remained till midnight . With out a customer left with in the grocery  store . We were all waiting for the next 10 minutes to pass till 9 pm . For at 9 pm the grocery store closes for business . At closing time  all doors of entry and exit would be  locked tight and  the stores lights will be turned off .                                                                              Waiting , waiting and more waiting  . The sudden abrupt opening  of the entry door startled all of us and broke the constant hum of the store's refrigerator units .                                                                     Sauntering in with unchallenged swagger was Blondie . The tight fitting lime colored t-Shirt was speckled from rain drops . Close cropped blond hair was dripping water  . Wearing shorts  and sneakers indicated the outside humid tropical air and temperature . Tonight there was a soft misting rain ,  there was a cold front on the way .                                                                                          Directly walking past me and moving onto the single remaining Cashier . Cashier had been hoping hope against hope  to help out a last minute shopper needing a gallon of milk or a loaf of bread or even a 6 pack of cold brew .                                                                                                                                Hay ! Exclaimed Cashier to Blondie . I have your pumpkin seeds outside in my car .  I can have Stockman  bring them in for you  .                                                                                                                    Obediently following Cashier"s words , Stockman passed us towards exit door nodding to Blondie as passing by .                                                                                                                                       Cashier resumed conversation with Blondie . " I cleaned , salted and toasted the seeds . One batch of seeds has more salt than the other . "                                                                                                    The entry door again opened and Stockman appeared carrying 2 bags of white pumpkin seeds . Handing both to Blondie saying " Here ya go  "                                                                                                   " Thanks " replied Blondie .                                                                                                                       Cashier addressed  Blondie  again .  " You can crisp up the seeds again by placing them back into the oven at 350. Remember the seeds have been salted . You can rinse the salt off before  toasting . if you want  .                                                                                                                                                        "The seeds are not for me . They are for my bird"                                                                                      My fancy became instantly tickled  . I exclaimed to Blondie  " Geronimo your parrot ? "                      Blondie looked at me replying " Yes  and she is  such a mean bitch  . Geronimo is frightened of everything , even my canneries . The canneries chase her all over the house and all Geronimo does is fly away and squawking all the while looking back wards at the canneries flying towards her . Geronimo bites me all the time for no apparent  reason " .                                                                                       The clock struck 9 pm . The 4 of us struck  into action  . Stockman walked to the electrical room to turn off store lights . Cashier signed off her register  . Blondie walked to the exit door . I walked to the entrance door  to lock it saying a goodnight to Blondie . Stockman  and Cashier directly left the store . I was left alone .                                                                                                                                  The grocery store was mostly dark now being lite  by a few lights in the  outer isles  . The refrigerator units humming motors was even louder now than before . I was left to count Cashier's  money and close down the office .                                                                                                                           My exit from the store was soon afterwards . As I  walked along Front street the misting rains began to increase . Crossing the street I noticed a car approaching from behind and slowing as it neared me . As the car slowly passed me  the drivers window rolled down . Blondie's head popped out and asked  " Do you want a ride  ?  I mean it is raining and all "                                                                         " Why yes I do want a ride ,  Thanks  Blondie "

Precipice

The river flowing slow and glass like reflects autumnal leaves a top of which resting to the opposite river bank a clear blue cold sky . Road side traffic too is flowing in its own ant like fashion to never ending missions and endless texts .                                                                                                              Desire burns in my heart powered by passions governed  by the new and unknown . Fair youth with golden hair stairs at me unhindered with clear blue warm eyes . My mind shouts Hay shoto dancer  not quite ...... I question, at your age  how con you be so naive ? With your  physical build  and attributes  of handsomeness ! You have never sailed to the other shore ? Do you want to sail to the same shore ? You are dancing with me and around me .                                                                             It has become a gamble  I dare not take . But day dream I do partake . At night time too while sleeping and dreaming does come too , you shoto  dance around me . I must insist I can not  take it and am driven half mad .                                                                                                                               Definite is the destruction lurking to my right with  terminal conclusions to the left waiting to engulf me and the house of cards with in which I live .  It is doom if I taste unbridled fruit . Doom if I succumb to ripeness acting out  . Doom  if even I dare .                                                                             A straight and narrowest of path lays ahead for me  , and walk ahead I must like the river flowing  forward reflecting flawless the  autumnal colors of my life against a clear blue cold sky . Road side traffic will continue in its ant like fashion to never ending missions and endless texts .

The Age of Consent

     My little puppy  when you were first new it was acceptance and guidance you sought .                         So  fast a  learner you were  it was only a few months and so many are the tricks you were taught .       By that first Christmas we were already comfortable with each other .                                                   At that first Christmas breakfast your eagerness was so bright eyed and bushy tailed that I knew  we could not be with out one another .                                                                                                          My little puppy so tender and loving are you .                                                                                         From sunrise to sunset such exuberant feelings are all anew .                                                                   Your playful nature I hope you always keep and continue to excel .                                                         Never ending are the sweet kisses all the while a moistened breath you expel .                                       Although at times you err on the side of deviltry and can be so an exquisite  gremlin  .                         All will always be forgiven for we are all made of the same flotsam and jetsam  .                                   My arms exist to hold you and to stroke your head  and kiss  to .                                                             It is  the fondest love I  have for you .                                                                                                 When ever we are apart your memory fills me with  teasing and taunting reverie .                               I look forward  to when next you will come play with me .                                                  I dream your playful puck like ways will last forever and you will always stay with me .                      But as nature does its natural progression all things eventually go away .                                                As you grow older you will have to go your own  way .                                                                          For now I proclaim my little pup  please stay !                                                                                          In my autumn  I will enjoy our few precious seasons .                                                                              Though today  I pray nay I long for the age of consent , my mind tells me that my heart has no reason .

                                       

The Hours

      In Blazing white hot sunlight of day no shadow of doubt remained . The hours of doubt were melting away in quick sand dwindling to short breaths and lucid thoughts of the end . So this was how it was going to be ! Here today gone tomorrow . So be it .                                                                      No place left to hide  or run both feet planted firmly onto the earth . All ready white feather began to rustle  filling

up with lofty air . Angle wings became ready for flight to lift off to gossamer  heights .                                                                                                                                                               Caregivers tasks were culminating in pain relief medications  and bodily comfort . Bitter sweet are these final good byes  . It has become a time of hospice now .                                                                   So soon a quite will envelope all  in deafening  silence unbearable . It will become time for all to go home .                                                   

The Letter

                                                                                                                          October 7, 2017                                                                                                                                                                                    Dear You ,                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                       Hello !                                                                                                                                                         It has been many the days sense  last I  saw you . Your absence fills me with quite dismay . I take comfort  in my thoughts while you predominate them . At times I wonder what you are doing  and try  to picture in my mind your action or location . At other times I experience great amusement in remembering your youthful antics . When I am in my garden turning earth  for spring or fall  I feel muscular all over my body and fondly think of your musculature physique and your constant quest for the perfect body  . Most of the time these reveries end in my chiding myself for I know how pure and innocent  you are . Non the less I drown in dreams filled with your  perfect beauty playing sweetly and softly in my mind .                                                                                                                  When ever you speak to me I can not help myself from admiring your animation while the totality of my enjoyment begins as my eyes rest upon your pink lips surrounded by your perfectly white teeth . Though it be rare when we speak of private matters  I experience such calm pleasure from our intimate exchange and hold such in high esteem regulated to the best of memory .                                    Many many are the times of my great amusement  from listening to your youthful clear voice telling me funny jokes . Many are the times  of  the arrival of your physical humor antics like a comedy drama or comedy capers and I willingly unabashedly laughed  with you and at you .                    When ever I think of our next encounter  my mind and my lips smile  . An excitement builds in my mind and inside my body  like a musical a bolero starting  out quietly in English and ending unabashedly in sultry Spanish exorbitantly with horns blowing hot wind across orange black coals drowning out in cool spring water by the arrival of your young being  .                                                                                              I find myself now in real wonder when next we will meet again .Your absence has created a void and emptiness inside of me . I miss You terribly my Little Buddy !                                                                                                                                                                                                                   

Fondly and forever yours                                                                                                                                              Tokey  Kinder  

Little Boy

Little boy little boy come to me . My little boy wants to play with you . Many are the lessons we will learn together . For into my heart your entry has already been acknowledged and my arms want to hold you close and balance you upon  my bouncing knee . Little boy little boy lean your head a little closer to mine . For I have a secret  to tell only to you and you must keep it secret  . Little boy little boy who knows what lays ahead . For your days be many while mine few  . Hold your head high as you continue on your little boy ways . Know that you were much admired and greatly loved . Little boy little boy my sweet little boy !

Acceptance

In the randomness of being ,   afternoons skyrockets of delight dribble ,  finding safe harbor to anchor thus I   was  born . I do not proclaim to be the best nor brightest . But none the less here I am the result  . Scheherazade  has sung , thy kingdom come life will be done in its own fashion  and so will I .  On any given day of a week , hand me a mop to clean up life's over spillage . Dirt on muddy water flow out of my mop filling buckets of life's unfulfilled dreams  anchored by hope . 

Knowing , 12-24-31

                 The fog of last night lite bright from street light lingers this morning with in the head above my shoulders . A gentle rain pelts automobile windshield and roof  of the car with in which I am riding  . Today's destination is the hospital to meet with my mothers oncologist . An official ruling of my mothers health will be given face to face . Gone will be the practitioner  and surgeon . Gone will be the  phone call from elder sister  to awaiting ears .  Gone will be the shadow of doubt . What we already know will be delivered from mouth to our face , my mothers fate . My face is washed clean and shaven . My bed head has been combed . Numbness of that which is awaiting seizes hold of my awareness . Last nights dew  laden fog arabesques in my head .                                                                           How brave my mother has been amazes me and arouses memories . Suddenly thoughts stir into action and  broad cast them selves  on the droplets of dew collecting in my head and onto the tear drop descending down my cheek . This sucks , the pretending to be brave so that she , my mother will believe that we  her children will be all right with out her in the world as we know it at this present day . After all is said who can say what happens if anything after we die ?  Lately I find my self taking a comfort in thinking that nothing will happen to the newly deceased . We wont even know that we have stopped living . Alas  there will be no more fear or pain or hate . Perhaps the act of dieing is a peace unknown to mankind ?                                                                                                                    The traffic on the road ahead slows as three lanes squeeze down to two . It will not be soon that the road ahead will be completely perfect . Man  will labor on with out us complaining or fearing the unknown . My thoughts race on as the road traffic slows to a trickle . The aromatic scent of the toilet water Jean Natey  evokes further memories to when I was helpless and small . My mother had to go back to work to help support her family . I could not  stand the thought of being with out her back then too . My mother put the toilet water  on my teddy bears plastic nose and said mommy will be with you all day now so don't cry . I remember how she blotted her red lipstick on bathroom tissue  and the  discarded the tissue lay in the garbage as a reminder that she was gone .

The Day Dreaming Artist

      Riding in a car passing by miles of hills that look like they could have been a dinosaur camp grounds with the dinosaurs  all asleep with their backs humped high into a frosty gray morning sky . My mind is wondering in a relaxed manner though I am anxious . Here I go again putting myself out there and taking my place in a gallery group art show  for December through January . When  a door slams shut the loud bang noise produced  is  by far out lasted by imploding ear ringing noise of silence . Be that as it may , last nights fallen snow flakes cover smoke colored tree boughs   blanketing  inches high . I love to  think how wonderful the nature in this would is at playing their part so vallantly and   co-exist , each  an integral part of the large cycle of earth . Gazing through the cars window the snow covered boughs began to look like dinosaur bones of carcass remains in their final resting place . The mornings blustery winds hits  the car  in hard gales . These winds could have come from the  dinosaur breath to bring  fire of frozen  cold sting to mankind' s frail skin . Fire and ice , fire and ice , Robert Frost.....                                                                                                                                                                This interstate slices through rolling hills on both sides of the highway . At times the road appears as a center of a valley . Other times the road rides a top of the hill affording grand views . Today in avoidance of what faces me at the gallery  the hills again become sleeping   noble beasts , the  dinosaurs , long sense conquered passing into stardust or to become become fodder and fuel for mankind . It is with in a shroud of acceptance mankind passes into each day of their right to inhabit earth . Today all of yesterdays wrong and  sins are covered up in virginal  white snow . In spite of today's harsh elements and forgotten yesterday memories today continues forward . I will make it to the gallery . The ladies there will be nice to me .  They will complement my landscape  oil  paintings . I will feel pride even  if  the paintings do not sell . I never studied painting to become rich and famous . I studied  painting because  I loved art . I had passion to become an artist no matter what except to create art of which I felt nothing just for money .                          For years now I have had the pleasure and privilege  to continue creating new paintings . I have something to say  and art work is my dialect ,  amen  ! Into this frosty morning I go forward in good faith that I too have a right to speak  , even if no one hears or responds pleasantly to my paintings . For all I know an asteroid could crash into  earth's surface to fill the blue tent of atmosphere and we take for granted .  We

 too will become tomorrows sleeping beasts and fodder for the next inhabitants of earth .    

November 2016                                                                                                                                                        Found a note  book which had been misplaced and lost a couple months . Other note books and scraps of discarded paper filled this gap . The turning up of this notebook was not much of a surprise.... One day of last week after working a night shift  I returned home as usual . While making my way to a bedside table to quench a thirst of water , my eyes fell on a blue cover of  the  note book  I thought to have been lost . Acceptance of turn about  came easy even after hours of work on  a day of  November Elections  .  I knew the blue note book would eventually turn up . Resolve  caught hold  . Thus a battle would continue . I vowed to not let fear determine my actions and feelings .                                                                                                           Speaking of fear which is a common denominator through out mankind . Fear has not always served me well  in making life altering decisions .  On a few occasions where life and death decisions had to be made , I  did  not get in that white Cadillac when a ride had been offered  from a strange man   " Wanna ride ? "  .  To yell at the cab driver as to why he drove the cab in which I rode into a dark ally way between brick buildings ? These incidences were long age but still haunt me . Incidentally as of late having to refute unwanted sexual advances and innuendos in the work - place . I enjoy working in a grocery store as a night manager . Mixing with customers and getting to know them is surprisingly important to me . When a male customer sexually crosses the line my first response is disbelieve , shock and the old familiar fear ! There is a big difference between day light  and evening light and people and their actions differ greatly as well .  To me the daytime lulls people into thinking there is time to work things out  . Night time a sense of urgency can feel more acute and hope for a happy resolve can be fleeting . Most nights in the grocery store end uneventful . At the appointed hour setting the security alarm and lock the stores front door I feel a sense of having averted disaster .                                                                                                                                                      Most nights after work I will jog home three quarters a mile. The jog usually takes 10 minutes and is my cardio work out  . Some nights my thoughts resolve in gratitude . Dear lord thank you for for this gift of life . Thank you for my family . Than you for giving me a loving life partner for 36 years  the partner that has now become my husband  . Thank you for making me an artist . Thank you for relieving me the burden of making my living solely on the sales of my art work . Thank you for providing me with so many opportunities to make a living . Thank you for the roof over my head . Thank you for my home out of foreclosure with a reinstated loan  . Thank you for allowing me to be born in The United States of America   . About this time I run out of thank yous and out of breath . Lucky for me I am at the front steps of my home . As usual when entering the house  the aroma of hot food  greets  me form the meal my husband has prepared for me . One more time Thank you Lord for all the food we eat , and Thank you again for him !!!!!