The fog of last night lite bright from street light lingers this morning with in the head above my shoulders . A gentle rain pelts automobile windshield and roof of the car with in which I am riding . Today's destination is the hospital to meet with my mothers oncologist . An official ruling of my mothers health will be given face to face . Gone will be the practitioner and surgeon . Gone will be the phone call from elder sister to awaiting ears . Gone will be the shadow of doubt . What we already know will be delivered from mouth to our face , my mothers fate . My face is washed clean and shaven . My bed head has been combed . Numbness of that which is awaiting seizes hold of my awareness . Last nights dew laden fog arabesques in my head . How brave my mother has been amazes me and arouses memories . Suddenly thoughts stir into action and broad cast them selves on the droplets of dew collecting in my head and onto the tear drop descending down my cheek . This sucks , the pretending to be brave so that she , my mother will believe that we her children will be all right with out her in the world as we know it at this present day . After all is said who can say what happens if anything after we die ? Lately I find my self taking a comfort in thinking that nothing will happen to the newly deceased . We wont even know that we have stopped living . Alas there will be no more fear or pain or hate . Perhaps the act of dieing is a peace unknown to mankind ? The traffic on the road ahead slows as three lanes squeeze down to two . It will not be soon that the road ahead will be completely perfect . Man will labor on with out us complaining or fearing the unknown . My thoughts race on as the road traffic slows to a trickle . The aromatic scent of the toilet water Jean Natey evokes further memories to when I was helpless and small . My mother had to go back to work to help support her family . I could not stand the thought of being with out her back then too . My mother put the toilet water on my teddy bears plastic nose and said mommy will be with you all day now so don't cry . I remember how she blotted her red lipstick on bathroom tissue and the discarded the tissue lay in the garbage as a reminder that she was gone .
Art work and photography created by t. j. nixon . Oil painting, acrylic , watercolor,drawings, and photos.
Saturday, December 3, 2016
Tuesday, November 22, 2016
The Day Dreaming Artist
Riding in a car passing by miles of hills that look like they could have been a dinosaur camp grounds with the dinosaurs all asleep with their backs humped high into a frosty gray morning sky . My mind is wondering in a relaxed manner though I am anxious . Here I go again putting myself out there and taking my place in a gallery group art show for December through January . When a door slams shut the loud bang noise produced is by far out lasted by imploding ear ringing noise of silence . Be that as it may , last nights fallen snow flakes cover smoke colored tree boughs blanketing inches high . I love to think how wonderful the nature in this would is at playing their part so vallantly and co-exist , each an integral part of the large cycle of earth . Gazing through the cars window the snow covered boughs began to look like dinosaur bones of carcass remains in their final resting place . The mornings blustery winds hits the car in hard gales . These winds could have come from the dinosaur breath to bring fire of frozen cold sting to mankind' s frail skin . Fire and ice , fire and ice , Robert Frost..... This interstate slices through rolling hills on both sides of the highway . At times the road appears as a center of a valley . Other times the road rides a top of the hill affording grand views . Today in avoidance of what faces me at the gallery the hills again become sleeping noble beasts , the dinosaurs , long sense conquered passing into stardust or to become become fodder and fuel for mankind . It is with in a shroud of acceptance mankind passes into each day of their right to inhabit earth . Today all of yesterdays wrong and sins are covered up in virginal white snow . In spite of today's harsh elements and forgotten yesterday memories today continues forward . I will make it to the gallery . The ladies there will be nice to me . They will complement my landscape oil paintings . I will feel pride even if the paintings do not sell . I never studied painting to become rich and famous . I studied painting because I loved art . I had passion to become an artist no matter what except to create art of which I felt nothing just for money . For years now I have had the pleasure and privilege to continue creating new paintings . I have something to say and art work is my dialect , amen ! Into this frosty morning I go forward in good faith that I too have a right to speak , even if no one hears or responds pleasantly to my paintings . For all I know an asteroid could crash into earth's surface to fill the blue tent of atmosphere and we take for granted . We
too will become tomorrows sleeping beasts and fodder for the next inhabitants of earth .
too will become tomorrows sleeping beasts and fodder for the next inhabitants of earth .
Thursday, November 17, 2016
November 2016 Found a note book which had been misplaced and lost a couple months . Other note books and scraps of discarded paper filled this gap . The turning up of this notebook was not much of a surprise.... One day of last week after working a night shift I returned home as usual . While making my way to a bedside table to quench a thirst of water , my eyes fell on a blue cover of the note book I thought to have been lost . Acceptance of turn about came easy even after hours of work on a day of November Elections . I knew the blue note book would eventually turn up . Resolve caught hold . Thus a battle would continue . I vowed to not let fear determine my actions and feelings . Speaking of fear which is a common denominator through out mankind . Fear has not always served me well in making life altering decisions . On a few occasions where life and death decisions had to be made , I did not get in that white Cadillac when a ride had been offered from a strange man " Wanna ride ? " . To yell at the cab driver as to why he drove the cab in which I rode into a dark ally way between brick buildings ? These incidences were long age but still haunt me . Incidentally as of late having to refute unwanted sexual advances and innuendos in the work - place . I enjoy working in a grocery store as a night manager . Mixing with customers and getting to know them is surprisingly important to me . When a male customer sexually crosses the line my first response is disbelieve , shock and the old familiar fear ! There is a big difference between day light and evening light and people and their actions differ greatly as well . To me the daytime lulls people into thinking there is time to work things out . Night time a sense of urgency can feel more acute and hope for a happy resolve can be fleeting . Most nights in the grocery store end uneventful . At the appointed hour setting the security alarm and lock the stores front door I feel a sense of having averted disaster . Most nights after work I will jog home three quarters a mile. The jog usually takes 10 minutes and is my cardio work out . Some nights my thoughts resolve in gratitude . Dear lord thank you for for this gift of life . Thank you for my family . Than you for giving me a loving life partner for 36 years the partner that has now become my husband . Thank you for making me an artist . Thank you for relieving me the burden of making my living solely on the sales of my art work . Thank you for providing me with so many opportunities to make a living . Thank you for the roof over my head . Thank you for my home out of foreclosure with a reinstated loan . Thank you for allowing me to be born in The United States of America . About this time I run out of thank yous and out of breath . Lucky for me I am at the front steps of my home . As usual when entering the house the aroma of hot food greets me form the meal my husband has prepared for me . One more time Thank you Lord for all the food we eat , and Thank you again for him !!!!!
Monday, November 14, 2016
Holloween
Three o'clock afternoon sun lists from south to west casting shadows in two directions . Puffy white cloud that swiftly float above through a blue tent of atmosphere cast shadows on not so old hemlock clap board . Maple trees are taking on their autumnal color . Preparing for all hollows eve , ghosts appear in translucent black oil forms . Realities co-habit making dual perceptions . Soon the ghosts will a dance macabe preform in celebration of remembrance that they two once lived here in this very very fine house . Nay these ghosts were the ones who built the dwelling . Having survived civil war their sum equals our today and will be realized all hollows eve . Flotsam and jetsam a cargo of yesterday siege hold of today and we shall humbly remember them and be thankful for all their battles and demons past . Reverberating echoes in the here and now neither east nor west , pierce chirping crickets and the hips of the last roses of a summer past .
Holloween
Three o'clock afternoon sun lists from south to west casting shadows in two directions . Puffy white cloud that swiftly float above through a blue tent of atmosphere cast shadows on not so old hemlock clap board . Maple trees are taking on their autumnal color . Preparing for all hollows eve , ghosts appear in translucent black oil forms . Realities co-habit making dual perceptions . Soon the ghosts will a dance macabe preform in celebration of remembrance that they two once lived here in this very very fine house . Nay these ghosts were the ones who built the dwelling . Having survived civil war their sum equals our today and will be realized all hollows eve . Flotsam and jetsam a cargo of yesterday siege hold of today and we shall humbly remember them and be thankful for all their battles and demons past . Reverberating echoes in the here and now neither east nor west pierce chirping crickets and the hips of the last roses of a summer past .
Holloween
Three o'clock afternoon sun lists from south to west casting shadows in two directions . Puffy white cloud that swiftly float above through a blue tent of atmosphere cast shadows on not so old hemlock clap board . Maple trees are taking on their autumnal color . Preparing for all hollows eve , ghosts appear in translucent black oil forms . Realities co-habit making dual perceptions . Soon the ghosts will a dance macabe preform in celebration of remembrance that they two once lived here in this very very fine house . Nay these ghosts were the ones who built the dwelling . Having survived civil war their sum equals our today and will be realized all hollows eve . Flotsam and jetsam a cargo of yesterday siege hold of today and we shall humbly remember them and be thankful for all their battles and demons past . Reverberating echoes in the here and now neither east nor west pierce chirping crickets and the hips of the last roses of a summer past .
Friday, July 15, 2016
Monday, June 6, 2016
The Legacy Inherent
It was a late Sunday afternoon . As usual the mother had prepared a dinner complete from roasted meat , boiled potato and cooked vegetable . Dessert was homemade apple pie with vanilla ice cream on top and a slice or two of extra sharp cheddar cheese on the side. Her kitchen had already been cleaned up from any traces of dirty dishes or any sign of having been used at all for such a Sunday meal . Many a Sunday in past the children would be allowed to go to a afternoon movie each with enough pocket change for some candy and a soda , not so for today . Today after all the domestic work had been completed the father and mother simply told the children they were so tired after working their jobs all week that they needed to take a nap . So this child went over to a friends house . That child went to her bedroom . A sister went over to her girlfriends . The youngest girl would be playing quietly with a girlfriend in the basement play room . A middle child cared not to visit any one or go out of the house passed the time in a sorta free falling matter of imagination by watching old black and white movies in a basement television room . An hour passed quietly with no signs of life noise on the floors over head . Marlene Dietrick saved the day by dropping the house door key out the bedroom window . A secret double agent would save the day after obtaining said key . Young sister and friend would ascend to upstairs for snacks . Role playing through dolls can become so tiresome that sugar and other carbs are a necessity ! With in basement television room , movie credits rolled on to a Kurt Weil musical score symphony hall style . All was as it should be in movie world . Double spy agents saved the day by out smarting Nazi SS officers and villains . Marlene Dietrick could go on to sing more songs like Falling in Love Again or Belly Up to the Bar Boys ! Middle child took a break from a darkened room to go upstairs . Afternoon sun poured into house windows as he walked into the kitchen . he heard his parents bedroom door opening and closing . His father appeared wearing clothes a cut above day to day but not quite formal or dress like in style . perhaps a bit sporty in appearance . His bright green eyes glared down onto middle child . His carrot red hair was neatly combed with a touch of Vitalis hair tonic . tops of curls glistening highlights of afternoon sun. Middle child came to an abrupt halt . " Daddy !! Where are you going ? asked middle child . " Out for a walk " replied Daddy . Can i come too Daddy ? " said middle child . " Well , yes . Only we have to go now " " Oh Daddy , i am ready ! " The afternoon sun although waning beat down relentlessly as if all living beings were on trial and would be made ready to crack and spill a gut . Into the angled bright afternoon light Daddy and middle child walked .With out eye wear protection the sun's brightness was causing Daddy and middle child to squint their eyes to the point of almost not seeing , next to imagined blindness . Big man hand holding little boy hand they proceeded on their journey .The side walk on which they walked was gray slate from local blue stone mines of the Victorian days . Heat waves were rising from the pavement of Doubleday Street . The Daddy and middle child passed many double family homes with yards and gardens leading to the corner of Doubleday and Chenango street . On this corner was a grocery store owned by the city's mayor . In Passing the establishment the middle child glanced into the plate glass windows on the Doubleday side . With in , piled four boxes high was a display of sanitary napkins . The boxes were light purple and exhibited a beautiful flower underneath a brand name . Much to the amazement to the middle child was recognition of said product . With a slight blush , a memory entered into middle child's mind . Middle child had seen the same product in his family's bathroom closet . At the time middle child deduced the product to be foot pads that his mother would use when wearing stiletto heals . Middle child remembered packing two sanitary napkins into his mother's stiletto heals and attempting to walk . Middle child decided to keep these shaky finding results a secret to be carried to his grave . At the intersection where Doubleday street met Chenango Street the pedestrian would have to decide right towards Saint Pauls Church or The Fischer-Scholderal Funeral Home , or left the old riddled and littered business -manufacturing districk . Directly across Chenango Street was the old shoe store . Middle child remembered over hearing Daddy read out loud to the Mother a news paper article about the shoe store clerk , a women , being robbed and savagely beaten then left for dead . Turned out the shoe store clerk happened to be the a doctor's sister the vary some doctor the mother worked for on the other end of Chenango Street in the Hillcrest area . Chenango Street was a series of red brick four story buildings from the eighteen hundreds whose facades exhibited brick masonry work in designs reminiscence of Roman architecture with dates of building completions proudly hand made in clay brick atop . From Doubleday Street corner to the old viaduct over the Lackawanna Station and railroad tracts . Day in and day out this part of Chenango street was run on railroad time comings and goings . On the next corner directly next to the railroad tracks was Eldredge Street . At this inter section was the barber shop Called Riley's Barber Shop . Daddy , middle child and younger brother would have their hair cut there every two weeks . On the east side of Chenango Street between Doubleday Street and Eldredge Street was Chris's Hot Dog Stand . At Chris's you could get the best Spaghetti and Meat balls on earth . Chris's chili dogs could supply a Food channel with enough material for at least five year series . On this same east side of Chenango Street were located two Beer gardens commonly called bars . One being the North Side Tavern The seconded Being Known as Dud and Tom's . Both staples of the block , both had become standards for many a year , For today Daddy and middle child's walk would end and conjoin with patrons at the North side Tavern . From the blinding angled light of late afternoon sun into a darkened smoke filled room , Daddy and middle child walked into an atmosphere of magic like that which Marlene Dietrick would have made an entrance . From the dimly lite room any one at any age , be it father or be it son holding hands could see how easy it could be to be "Falling in love again . Never wanting to . What are we to do ? Can't help it . " Bellying up to the bar like the boys they were , Daddy and middle child took their place at the bar . Middle child was amazed at how many of the bar's denizens began greetings to the Daddy . This must be the real club thought the middle child ! Some people appeared ghost like , holding drinks in one hand and a cigarettes in the other hand . All seemed to have arrived at the point of no escape . The time was to forget their lives of being vets of the war of day to day . Some were real vets of real wars from the World War One or Two or the Korean War . Some people just needed to escape a life of hand to fist always robbing Peters to pay Paul . All the club members seemed to have a common communal denominator either through genial or acquired need to self medicate at the local watering hole either being social or to find a quiet corner to fall into a slump when the click turned off in their head and be left alone . There was no escape from the darkness while looking through the bottom of the hour shaped glass . The beer the alcohol was the cancer of their day . Like prisoners within bars that were self made or real hell that their lives had became . There would never be any escaping this confining hellish condition , period . Stardust lands where it is destined . Everyday settlements descend to be born new in another day as some expel last breaths to ascend again to the stars and planets and the darkened comfort of beautiful outer space .
Tuesday, April 26, 2016
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