Precipice

The river flowing slow and glass like reflects autumnal leaves a top of which resting to the opposite river bank a clear blue cold sky . Road side traffic too is flowing in its own ant like fashion to never ending missions and endless texts .                                                                                                              Desire burns in my heart powered by passions governed  by the new and unknown . Fair youth with golden hair stairs at me unhindered with clear blue warm eyes . My mind shouts Hay shoto dancer  not quite ...... I question, at your age  how con you be so naive ? With your  physical build  and attributes  of handsomeness ! You have never sailed to the other shore ? Do you want to sail to the same shore ? You are dancing with me and around me .                                                                             It has become a gamble  I dare not take . But day dream I do partake . At night time too while sleeping and dreaming does come too , you shoto  dance around me . I must insist I can not  take it and am driven half mad .                                                                                                                               Definite is the destruction lurking to my right with  terminal conclusions to the left waiting to engulf me and the house of cards with in which I live .  It is doom if I taste unbridled fruit . Doom if I succumb to ripeness acting out  . Doom  if even I dare .                                                                             A straight and narrowest of path lays ahead for me  , and walk ahead I must like the river flowing  forward reflecting flawless the  autumnal colors of my life against a clear blue cold sky . Road side traffic will continue in its ant like fashion to never ending missions and endless texts .

The Age of Consent

     My little puppy  when you were first new it was acceptance and guidance you sought .                         So  fast a  learner you were  it was only a few months and so many are the tricks you were taught .       By that first Christmas we were already comfortable with each other .                                                   At that first Christmas breakfast your eagerness was so bright eyed and bushy tailed that I knew  we could not be with out one another .                                                                                                          My little puppy so tender and loving are you .                                                                                         From sunrise to sunset such exuberant feelings are all anew .                                                                   Your playful nature I hope you always keep and continue to excel .                                                         Never ending are the sweet kisses all the while a moistened breath you expel .                                       Although at times you err on the side of deviltry and can be so an exquisite  gremlin  .                         All will always be forgiven for we are all made of the same flotsam and jetsam  .                                   My arms exist to hold you and to stroke your head  and kiss  to .                                                             It is  the fondest love I  have for you .                                                                                                 When ever we are apart your memory fills me with  teasing and taunting reverie .                               I look forward  to when next you will come play with me .                                                  I dream your playful puck like ways will last forever and you will always stay with me .                      But as nature does its natural progression all things eventually go away .                                                As you grow older you will have to go your own  way .                                                                          For now I proclaim my little pup  please stay !                                                                                          In my autumn  I will enjoy our few precious seasons .                                                                              Though today  I pray nay I long for the age of consent , my mind tells me that my heart has no reason .

                                       

The Hours

      In Blazing white hot sunlight of day no shadow of doubt remained . The hours of doubt were melting away in quick sand dwindling to short breaths and lucid thoughts of the end . So this was how it was going to be ! Here today gone tomorrow . So be it .                                                                      No place left to hide  or run both feet planted firmly onto the earth . All ready white feather began to rustle  filling

up with lofty air . Angle wings became ready for flight to lift off to gossamer  heights .                                                                                                                                                               Caregivers tasks were culminating in pain relief medications  and bodily comfort . Bitter sweet are these final good byes  . It has become a time of hospice now .                                                                   So soon a quite will envelope all  in deafening  silence unbearable . It will become time for all to go home .                                                   

The Letter

                                                                                                                          October 7, 2017                                                                                                                                                                                    Dear You ,                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                       Hello !                                                                                                                                                         It has been many the days sense  last I  saw you . Your absence fills me with quite dismay . I take comfort  in my thoughts while you predominate them . At times I wonder what you are doing  and try  to picture in my mind your action or location . At other times I experience great amusement in remembering your youthful antics . When I am in my garden turning earth  for spring or fall  I feel muscular all over my body and fondly think of your musculature physique and your constant quest for the perfect body  . Most of the time these reveries end in my chiding myself for I know how pure and innocent  you are . Non the less I drown in dreams filled with your  perfect beauty playing sweetly and softly in my mind .                                                                                                                  When ever you speak to me I can not help myself from admiring your animation while the totality of my enjoyment begins as my eyes rest upon your pink lips surrounded by your perfectly white teeth . Though it be rare when we speak of private matters  I experience such calm pleasure from our intimate exchange and hold such in high esteem regulated to the best of memory .                                    Many many are the times of my great amusement  from listening to your youthful clear voice telling me funny jokes . Many are the times  of  the arrival of your physical humor antics like a comedy drama or comedy capers and I willingly unabashedly laughed  with you and at you .                    When ever I think of our next encounter  my mind and my lips smile  . An excitement builds in my mind and inside my body  like a musical a bolero starting  out quietly in English and ending unabashedly in sultry Spanish exorbitantly with horns blowing hot wind across orange black coals drowning out in cool spring water by the arrival of your young being  .                                                                                              I find myself now in real wonder when next we will meet again .Your absence has created a void and emptiness inside of me . I miss You terribly my Little Buddy !                                                                                                                                                                                                                   

Fondly and forever yours                                                                                                                                              Tokey  Kinder  

Little Boy

Little boy little boy come to me . My little boy wants to play with you . Many are the lessons we will learn together . For into my heart your entry has already been acknowledged and my arms want to hold you close and balance you upon  my bouncing knee . Little boy little boy lean your head a little closer to mine . For I have a secret  to tell only to you and you must keep it secret  . Little boy little boy who knows what lays ahead . For your days be many while mine few  . Hold your head high as you continue on your little boy ways . Know that you were much admired and greatly loved . Little boy little boy my sweet little boy !

Acceptance

In the randomness of being ,   afternoons skyrockets of delight dribble ,  finding safe harbor to anchor thus I   was  born . I do not proclaim to be the best nor brightest . But none the less here I am the result  . Scheherazade  has sung , thy kingdom come life will be done in its own fashion  and so will I .  On any given day of a week , hand me a mop to clean up life's over spillage . Dirt on muddy water flow out of my mop filling buckets of life's unfulfilled dreams  anchored by hope . 

Knowing , 12-24-31

                 The fog of last night lite bright from street light lingers this morning with in the head above my shoulders . A gentle rain pelts automobile windshield and roof  of the car with in which I am riding  . Today's destination is the hospital to meet with my mothers oncologist . An official ruling of my mothers health will be given face to face . Gone will be the practitioner  and surgeon . Gone will be the  phone call from elder sister  to awaiting ears .  Gone will be the shadow of doubt . What we already know will be delivered from mouth to our face , my mothers fate . My face is washed clean and shaven . My bed head has been combed . Numbness of that which is awaiting seizes hold of my awareness . Last nights dew  laden fog arabesques in my head .                                                                           How brave my mother has been amazes me and arouses memories . Suddenly thoughts stir into action and  broad cast them selves  on the droplets of dew collecting in my head and onto the tear drop descending down my cheek . This sucks , the pretending to be brave so that she , my mother will believe that we  her children will be all right with out her in the world as we know it at this present day . After all is said who can say what happens if anything after we die ?  Lately I find my self taking a comfort in thinking that nothing will happen to the newly deceased . We wont even know that we have stopped living . Alas  there will be no more fear or pain or hate . Perhaps the act of dieing is a peace unknown to mankind ?                                                                                                                    The traffic on the road ahead slows as three lanes squeeze down to two . It will not be soon that the road ahead will be completely perfect . Man  will labor on with out us complaining or fearing the unknown . My thoughts race on as the road traffic slows to a trickle . The aromatic scent of the toilet water Jean Natey  evokes further memories to when I was helpless and small . My mother had to go back to work to help support her family . I could not  stand the thought of being with out her back then too . My mother put the toilet water  on my teddy bears plastic nose and said mommy will be with you all day now so don't cry . I remember how she blotted her red lipstick on bathroom tissue  and the  discarded the tissue lay in the garbage as a reminder that she was gone .